new years eve eve, it's still this year

so, tomorrow will be the same as any other tomorrow aside from the fact that tomorrow i don't have to work. tomorrow is friday - which of course is the start of a weekend and as so many recognize, the start of a new year. now, should i be celebrating? is there something so celebratory about a new year? why is it that everyone feels like they can start all over again? why is this a reason to forget the past. why couldn't they forget the past last week? why can't i forget the past now? or 5 minutes ago? why is society run on time? WHY? why is new years run on a time based lie?

here's my plan... or was my plan. to be celebratory with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years. though - as of right now at 4:39 pm i don't have plans. i broke them off. i haven't been feeling great the last week, financially i don't want to pay someone i don't know who also doesn't know my son - to watch him. aside from that, the crap to go through with people who are drunk. have you ever been around drunk people on this date? they are insane. now, mind you i've been that person...many times...well, ok - not many..but at least twice.. or three times. aside from that factoid, they're annoying. most especially when you don't drink or ...*when i don't drink* people hugging, drooling, slobbering, talking, making false promises to take down your number and hang out or be friends or buy you drinks. my nearly fool proof plan in the past has been to walk around with water and have the bar tender stick a cherry in it. everyone believes it is vodka. :) oh - and never let anyone taste!

so, just a bit 'o venting on my part.... needing to just speak or type. perhaps I can find more reasons to do this consistently. I need to, really.

Bloggity blog... peace out. I'll be typing soon!

I have...

Multiple Sclerosis.

What does this mean? DO I EVEN KNOW?
For once, I'm going to express how I feel about something I'm apparently supposed to know a lot about. I'm not going to make a video (yet). I'm going to write. I'm going to pour. I'm going to CRY. I'm going to vent. I don't know what it means. I don't know what Multiple Sclerosis is. I don't know what it does, or what it feels like really. I don't have the slightest clue. I'm not ANY form of a genius, I have some book smarts, not a clue how because I'm absolutely the worst person I know when it comes to studying. I procrastinate. I smoke cigarettes. I drink diet coke. I excercise my fingers when typing. Seriously. I don't know what this disease is. I have it though. Oh yes... I have Multiple Sclerosis. *grabbing a cigarette, jamming to Shinedown (Someday) on a Sony MP3 player* What does this mean? It means life fucking sucks. I'm a pessimistic right down to the fucking core. I think life is absolutely unfair. I tend to consider myself someone who choses to believe in God and believe in the possibility of Heaven and hold a faith true to this, as I see miracles or things I consider miracles in their own right every single day to which hold no explanation other than they are exactly that...miraculous. I find amazement in things I'm sure the average Joe would not. Fuzz from a towel, the leaf blowing around on the ground, the fact that my son decides on day to have an identity crisis and state that aliens are nice and they won't eat our brains, and my daughter. My daughter.
Let me tell you about her. Kayla. Kayla is 7. Kayla is this bright, obnoxious, beautiful little girl that I created with my ex husband. SHE was my very first reason for fighting this battle, the first reason I had to fight. Because at one point I felt like giving up and then I realized, the doctors appointments and follow ups for her, when one doctor would listen to her heart, realize how "cool" it sounded, scurry off to find residents who could listen to and in the midst of doing this... Kayla and I will just laugh uncontrollably at how silly these doctors get over her heart. See Kayla has heart disease, and for 7 years she and I both have seen many doctors get worked up. We've gone to tons of appointments and every time one doctor listens, he runs off to get more doctors so then can listen. Those 5 minutes in the middle, the best. It's like our secret time. She tells jokes about the doctors, her heart, it's like nothing in the world exists except for us. It is moments like that that keep me fighting.
Now, not to discount my son. Tristan in his own right has captured my heart a million and a half times as well. Too many to even pick out at this given point. No worries.... He'll get his moment here as well.
So I fight. By fight I mean... I take my medicine. Not always consistently because I get lazy. Lazy as in, I sometimes get very tired of fighting. Tired of the pain from the medicine, tired of the aggravation from injection sites, tired of the symptoms, just tired. Lately though I've noticed that if I skip days with medicine I just feel worse. I shake more or I just forget things. I have multiple "off" days. Like nothing goes right, whereas when I consistently take medicine, this happens far less. Copaxone is what I take by the way. Mixed right along with an anti-depressant and a migraine medication. Wellbutrin and Topomax. (300mg Wellbutrin, 100mg Topomax, 1 injection - per day) It's not a bad little concoction at all really. The Wellbutrin makes me sadder than I think I should feel, but allows me to realize how I should feel about this disease. The Topomax nearly completely rids my life of migraines which as of late has been my first factoring symptom to an exacerbation (attack). Not bad... just ...sad...
I think I've been in denial for a year, or so I stated to my boyfriend last night. Well I do. I've been in denial about my diagnosis for a year. I was diagnosed officially with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis on August 13, 2008. At that time I was told I had 4-6 lesions in my ventricular cavity blah blah blah....etc etc etc. I was so happy to just be told I had a diagnosis that I really just blocked the realization of it all away. I had dealt with symptoms of it for 2 years. 2 years of HELL. 2 years of being told I was crazy even after being hospitalized for over a month, unable to talk, walk, write or function! Crazy is what they said..."clinically isolated syndrome" - but then an MRI in July 2008 showed disease progression and bam... Nicole had MS. I was relieved. My neurologist at the time was shocked that I was so happy. I'm shocked now. Because now, I am not happy. Not at all. It hit me, the sadness of it all, the realization, the truth. The sudden feeling that I'm alone in this. I'm the only person who can change how I am (which really isn't any different than before being diagnosed) but just that there's a reason why the medicine hurts. Something is wrong. Something I cant fix...something my kid's can't fix with kisses and hugs - and trust me, those are powerful. Something my boyfriend can't even fix, and though he's handy around the house, he can't fix this....
My thing is this... I saw the MRI results. The tech's review on my brain and my brain in full view via 292 scanned MRI images. It's wierd. To see my brain. I mean, I know what a brain looks like, someone else's brain or brain models, but mine... nah, it's wierd. Looking at it is cool, but knowing something is wrong feels really, really bad. BAD BAD. The kind of bad that strikes you blind sided.... and when you review the images on the MRI and you see the white dots and know they are not supposed to be there, but they are, and you know they are what bring about falling, or faultering of words, or forgetfulness of an appointment or last weeks fight, or numbness in the right hand or tingling down the left leg or visual disturbances.... somethings wrong. Noone has an answer to it, they just know it's there. Now as a patient, maybe I'm crazy for feeling this way. I know my progression with this disease isn't nearly as bad as some. I have a friend from highschool, same age, close friend, who has secondary progressive and she is way worse off than I am, nearly unable to walk, already had surgery on her brain, open heart surgery, etc and love her to pieces, gives me just one more reason to fight....it could be me, and it isn't... and for that another miracle. But I want to fight for her too! I want something done, I want to know why we go through this, why we feel like this, why .......WHY!

So, do I know what MS is? Yes. From my own perspective, MS is disease that sucks. IT SUCKS. I refuse to sugar coat anything about it. There is nothing glorious about it. Every single night there are people giving themselves injections, struggling to walk, turning a button on in their chest, to avoid tremors...and if they are good people, lucky people they have the support that I do. Someone, like my boyfriend who help. Someone who runs over when he notices that I'm crying after looking at my MRI's, realizes that what I'm going through, the real side of MS is what people need to see. He is the other side of this story, so if you ever want to know about Multiple Sclerosis, ask him, ask the people that work along side him.... the caregivers. Afterall, they have the hardest job.

Get her words out..

Lately it seems as though I've had the worst time trying to get my words out. I don't know exactly what has been keeping them in aside from a fear of some people reading my poorly blog or maybe the fear of letting everything go and allowing just the slight inkling of a possibility that someone, anyone will read or see how I view things. Mania... that's what it is..

Well, I found song lyrics. My most resourceful tool for trying to find a way to express how I feel. Music moves me in so many ways and I firmly believe almost every aspect of my life could be detailed by a variety of songs. Right now, this moment, this one as the sun shines in the front door as a light has just turned on (the brightness of the sun scared me.... I was a bit nervous someone had walked in the front door.... ahh)

Someday, when I'm older
And they never know my name
Somehow, if I'm honest
I can never feel ashamed
Maybe I was wrong to
Hold you up so high
Now I know I've lost you
To the feelings I kept inside
I don't know if it felt like
I wanted you here,
the way that I wanted you last time
We're not on the same page,
you don't even know me
Cause you never took the time
Someday, when it's over
And you never show your face
I hope you'll remember
How I tried to make you a place
And so now, I move on
To keep my piece of mind
In someway, I've failed you
But I just ran out of time
I don't know if it felt like
I wanted you here,
the way that I wanted you last time
We're not on the same page,
you don't even know me
Cause you never took the time
I'm not sure that you hear me
I'm not sure that you look at me
the sameI will always be attached to you
But I'm never gonna feel the same
I don't know if it felt likeI wanted you here,
the way that I wanted you last time
We're not on the same page,
you don't even know me
Cause you never took the time
No, you never took the time
Someday, when I'm older...


So until I can find rhyme and reason to why this charade continues.....

Dinner Time..

Dinner time and STILL can't talk about it. LORD HELP ME! I need to find the words or friends - Why can't this blog be my friend? Perhaps it's the fear that someone will find this and then read it...

Rediscovery Needed... NOW!

Amazing isn't it? I sit at work looking at my blog with a relatively blank stare... knowing I should "blog" - but not really able to find the words I need to do it. WHY?! There is so much to say and so many things running through my mind, why can't I just get it out? Why has this been so difficult? I hope soon I can learn to trust this blog again - or start anew with it, as if it were a best friend that doesn't really offer advice, just a really wonderful ear. Soon my friend, soon.

Just let me gather my thoughts - pray for answers, then I shall return.

*I may do some pre-writing at lunch since the stress of it all makes me not so hungry!

When One Chapter Closes...

Throughout my life, however significant or insignificant it may be, I have found it to have many chapters. (I love how I start a ventful blog with a metaphor pertaining to my life..) I do though, have chapters. People seem to phase in and out so often, it's almost impossible to keep track of everyone without having chapters. Aside from the people that phase, the things I go through, the experiences I find myself experiencing! All of which deem itself worthy of a notation, in the least, in my book of life! Well with much hesitation I write this blog. It's pretty severely overdue and since I have time on lunch right now, as I'm fasting to .... fast, I have the time. Aside from this sorely excuse, I feel that if I don't vent or write out how I feel in a relatively descriptive way to a blog that absolutely noone reads, then I'll burst out at the seams at my place of employment, to the person who drives too slow on the way home or worse, my children. Let's not have that...please. For the past year - which it has officially been as of today, 1 full year. 365 days of non-marital relative bliss and hell. A relationship of sorts, with the guy who stands forth in my header to this blog. His name is Maurice. Maurice and I have a crazy sort of relationship. The kind you definitely don't read about in fairytales. That's not us. The soap operas or Sunday night ABC programming, still not us. We're just... US. The past week has been absolute torture on my soul. Between the hustle and bustle for a holiday that I absolutely adore, and really not feeling like I was ready for it, Maurice decided that we needed to no longer be together. Now, the crazy thing about it is when he first said this to me, it stung. So bad in fact that I really felt numb. Everything went numb. A flash back of my life went racing in front of me and nothing really made sense. Now, I am a relatively emotional person and I usually fall in line with crying. Something quite typical. I was a bit concerned over my lack of crying. Why wasn't I upset about this and why was I JUST numb? Perhaps I didn't think it was real. I continued on with my life, ignoring the reality. Thursday hit. Trick or Treat night and the original day that I started this blog. I came home rushing to get children in their costumes and I opened the front door to see flattened boxes strewn about in the dining room. It was real. It hit. The deep pitting feeling I had not felt, the tears that I had believed weren't going to come were very real and though still not streaming, were right there in the back of my throat. I knew it was real. very real. My life - seemed over. I was losing my best friend. The person I felt I could spend my life with. The one person in this world I felt the most comfortable with and who I felt I could be myself around - and it was all going to come crashing down around me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could say would make it better. The worst part is he wouldn't hardly look at me. No conversation at all and no rhyme or reason. This continued on - and I continued to feel numb. The tears feeling worse, all the while feeling like I had done something very wrong. Already on anti-depressants realizing this was just making everything worse. Wondering if this was the end. The very last thing I had to look forward to. The very last thread of happiness I had - when was it, with him - when was it? When did I feel it? Worse, when did he feel it?? Was it just me? Was I blind - why didn't I see this coming? What was going on? Why is that filter up and why is it blocking me from understanding this to its fullest extent? I just don't get it. This is my life - and it's falling apart. This is my love. THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND. I know I can rebuild. I know I can regroup and figure it out. It's what I do. Emergency mode. But why can't it just work? I've spent so many nights praying to God and thanking him for everything I've been given - my children, Maurice - my life however messed up it is, its so perfectly chaotic. I function best when things are in turmoil. I'm a fixer - I've got to have things completely in shut down before I can find my way out of it. I have to be at the bottom before I can climb to the top. I know some way we'll make it - I know I can get past this and I know the pit I feel, the sorrow I feel can be fixed, I'm just not sure what it's going to take. I want to cry, I want to scream. I want to say *F7dK* the world and just be done - The fight is hard, complicated and I sometimes feel so insignificant in the immensity of it all, but alas I continue on and another chapter must be started .... the title - nameless.

Good Deeds Do Not Go Unrewarded

Often times it seems as though humanity has lost it's essence. We live in a world where not everyone will get along, and most of the time many of us can see past the differences in eachother. There will never be a moment when EVERYONE agrees on something. Our past, culture, religious preference, morals and values do not allow this to occur. I've heard a lot lately how people have lost their faith in humanity, but I absolutely refuse to lose my faith in this regard.

In the past 2 days at work, there have been incidences where someone needed help. Typically, because we are all "strangers in a strange world" we would just walk on by when someone needs help. I call this group of people "the walkers". Except there are a small few who never fail to offer a helping hand. I call this group of people "the helpers". I fall into "the helpers" category as I am always up for offering any assistance I could possibly lend. I think of it like this: Sometimes we fall, sometimes we need help. I've been in situations in the past where help was such a simple thing to ask for, but noone would actually help. I assume we all go through this.

Yesterday at work, as my coworker "J" and I were walking out to take a cigarette break, there was a man who was on fore-arm crutches who was attempting to get his wheelchair from the trunk of his car. Now, this seemed impossible just as someone watching him to do, but I walked over and assisted him, getting the wheelchair out of the trunk, setting it up, locking wheels in place and putting the cushion on the seat. But, to no avail someone else came to assist. We'll call this person "BG". BG is the VP of where I work. He noticed my efforts, helped out as well, asked my name and told me I was quite noble. How sweet.

Second incident was today right before lunch. Again heading outside to take a break, I opened the door to my department which leads into a hallway with elevators (Main hallway for the building I am). There I find a drug rep, bringing lunch and samples to an office upstairs. She had a dolley and apparently had dropped tons of these little drug samples all over the place. I stopped, bent down to help her pick them up. All the while about 6-7 people walked right past us. I helped her, which took all of 5 minutes to do, and in return for the help she handed me a king size Hersheys Special Dark bark. I told her I didn't need anything in return for the help but she insisted. I walked away feeling quite happy that I am at least a tiny spec in the world who offers to help people.

Sometimes it really does make a difference.

COPAXONE® Significantly Reduced Disease Severity in Long-Term Treated Multiple Sclerosis Patients

Data from Longest, Continuous Study of MS Treatment Presented at EuropeanCommittee for Treatment and Research in MSJERUSALEM--(Business Wire)--Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd. (NASDAQ: TEVA) today presented data thatdemonstrated patients treated for 10 and 15 years with COPAXONE® (glatirameracetate injection) had significant reduction in disease severity. These data,generated from the longest continuous prospective study of any disease modifyingtherapy in relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS), were presented todayat the 25th Congress of the European Committee for Treatment and Research inMultiple Sclerosis (ECTRIMS) in Düsseldorf, Germany. The long-term analysis utilized the universal MS Severity Score (MSSS) to evaluate the accumulation of disease severity in long-term COPAXONE® patientsactively on therapy and those who withdrew early from the 15 year ongoingCOPAXONE® clinical trial1. Results demonstrated that 51 percent of long-termCOPAXONE® treated patients shifted to lower severity grades (p<0.0001). Incontrast, 41 percent of patients who withdrew from COPAXONE® showed adeterioration in MSSS grades, when compared to their baseline severity grades.Patients remaining on long-term treatment (treatment exposures of 10.12±1.32years and 13.6±1.3 years), had improved median MSSS scores of 1.84 and 1.69 at10 and 15 years, compared to MSSS scores at start, 3.62 and 3.50, respectively.Median MSSS score for withdrawn patients worsened to 6.01 at long-term follow-upversus 4.30 at treatment initiation. "This study, along with other MSSS studies, is paving the way to enableneurologists to predict the progression of disease severity in MS patients,"said Joseph Herbert, M.D., associate professor, NYU Department of Neurology andprincipal investigator of the study. "The demonstrated positive impact oflong-term COPAXONE® treatment on slowing disease progression provides hope to MSpatients and further emphasizes the importance of early treatment initiation." About the AnalysisThe modified intention-to-treat cohort (mITT, N=232) included all study patientsreceiving ≥1 COPAXONE® dose. Of mITT, 108 and 100 patients were ongoing in thetrial at 10 and 15 years, respectively. Of the 124 patients who withdrew by the10th year of the study, 50 patients returned for a long-term follow-up. MSSSscores were generated at the onset of COPAXONE® treatment, at last patientobservation for all those who were on COPAXONE® and withdrew, at 10 and 15 yearvisits for ongoing patients and at 10 year long-term follow-up for withdrawnpatients who returned. At the 10 year long-term follow-up, mean disease duration for withdrawn patientswas 18.54 ± 5.91 years and mean time since leaving study for the withdrawnpatients was 5.44±2.89 years. Median MSSS scores for ongoing patients were 1.84and 1.69 at 10 and 15 years, compared to MSSS scores at COPAXONE® (glatirameracetate injection) therapy start, 3.62 and 3.50, respectively. For 50 withdrawnpatients, median MSSS score was 6.01 at LTFU vs. 4.30 at COPAXONE® treatmentinitiation. During the study, there was a significant difference between ongoing patients at10 and 15 years and those who eventually withdrew, in the shift toward lowerdisease severity categories from COPAXONE® start to last patient observation onCOPAXONE® (p<0.0001). There was a significant difference in disease severitybetween ongoing patients at 10 years and withdrawn patients at 10 year long-termfollow up. Only 11 percent of ongoing, compared with 41 percent of withdrawnpatients, had shifted to higher severity scores; while 51 percent of ongoing,compared to only 24 percent of withdrawn, had shifted to lower severity scores(p<0.0001). The study was supported by Teva Neuroscience. About COPAXONE®COPAXONE® is indicated for the reduction of the frequency of relapses in RRMS,including patients who have experienced a first clinical episode and have MRIfeatures consistent with multiple sclerosis. The most common side effects ofCOPAXONE® are redness, pain, swelling, itching, a lump or an indentation at thesite of injection, weakness, infection, pain, nausea, joint pain, anxiety, andmuscle stiffness. COPAXONE® is now approved in 51 countries worldwide, including the UnitedStates, Canada, Mexico, Australia, Israel, and all European countries. In NorthAmerica, COPAXONE® is marketed by Teva Neuroscience, Inc., which is a subsidiaryof Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd. (NASDAQ:TEVA). In Europe, COPAXONE® ismarketed by Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd. and sanofi-aventis. COPAXONE® isa registered trademark of Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd. See additional important information at http://www.copaxone.com/pi/index.htmlorcall 1-800-887-8100 for electronic releases. For hardcopy releases, please seeenclosed full prescribing information. About TevaTeva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd., headquartered in Israel, is among the top20 pharmaceutical companies in the world and is the world's leading genericpharmaceutical company. The Company develops, manufactures and markets genericand innovative human pharmaceuticals and active pharmaceutical ingredients, aswell as animal health pharmaceutical products. Over 80 percent of Teva's salesare in North America and Europe. About Teva NeuroscienceTeva Neuroscience is dedicated to investigating, developing and marketingground-breaking products and technologies, with emphasis on cutting-edgetreatments for patients who are living with neurological conditions, includingmultiple sclerosis (MS) and Parkinson`s disease (PD). Therapies marketed by TevaNeuroscience include COPAXONE® (glatiramer acetate injection) forrelapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) and AZILECT® (rasagiline tablets)for the treatment of PD. Teva Neuroscience`s suite of innovative products continues to demonstrate thecompany`s commitment to fulfilling unmet medical needs and has helped thecompany evolve into a global leader in RRMS. Teva Neuroscience is a NorthAmerican division of Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd., the world`s largestgeneric drug company. Teva Neuroscience is proud of the role it plays inproviding effective treatment options to patients worldwide. For moreinformation, please visit www.tevaneuro.com or www.tevaclinicaltrials.com. Teva's Safe Harbor Statement under the U.S. Private Securities Litigation ReformAct of 1995:This release contains forward-looking statements, which express the currentbeliefs and expectations of management. Such statements are based onmanagement's current beliefs and expectations and involve a number of known andunknown risks and uncertainties that could cause our future results, performanceor achievements to differ significantly from the results, performance orachievements expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements. Importantfactors that could cause or contribute to such differences include risksrelating to: our ability to successfully develop and commercialize additionalpharmaceutical products, the introduction of competing generic equivalents, theextent to which we may obtain U.S. market exclusivity for certain of our newgeneric products and regulatory changes that may prevent us from utilizingexclusivity periods, potential liability for sales of generic products prior toa final resolution of outstanding patent litigation, including that relating tothe generic versions of Neurontin, Lotrel and Protonix,the current economicconditions, competition from brand-name companies that are under increasedpressure to counter generic products, or competitors that seek to delay theintroduction of generic products, the effects of competition on our innovativeproducts, especially Copaxone sales, dependence on the effectiveness of ourpatents and other protections for innovative products, the impact ofconsolidation of our distributors and customers, the impact of pharmaceuticalindustry regulation and pending legislation that could affect the pharmaceuticalindustry, our ability to achieve expected results though our innovative R&Defforts, the difficulty of predicting U.S. Food and Drug Administration,European Medicines Agency and other regulatory authority approvals, theuncertainty surrounding the legislative and regulatory pathway for theregistration and approval of biotechnology-based products, the regulatoryenvironment and changes in the health policies and structures of variouscountries, supply interruptions or delays that could result from the complexmanufacturing of our products and our global supply chain, our ability tosuccessfully identify, consummate and integrate acquisitions, the potentialexposure to product liability claims to the extent not covered by insurance, ourexposure to fluctuations in currency, exchange and interest rates, significantoperations worldwide that may be adversely affected by terrorism, political oreconomical instability or major hostilities, our ability to enter into patentlitigation settlements and the intensified scrutiny by the U.S. government, thetermination or expiration of governmental programs and tax benefits, impairmentof intangible assets and goodwill, environmental risks,and other factors thatare discussed in this report and in our other filings with the U.S. Securitiesand Exchange Commission ("SEC").1. Continuous Long-Term Immunomodulatory Therapy in Relapsing MultipleSclerosis: Results from the 15-Year Analysis of the U.S. Prospective Open-labelStudy of Glatiramer Acetate, C. Ford et al. Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd.Elana Holzman, +972-(3)-926-7554orTeva North AmericaKevin Mannix, 215-591-8912 Copyright Business Wire 2009

Friendship Bread

Tonight at Kayla's open house for second grade I was handed a Ziploc bag full of "starter". April (one of the mom's, friend and neighbor) handed it to me saying that she had been meaning to give me this and if I hadn't been at the open house tonight she was going to hunt me down (Walk down the block 2 houses lol) and give it to me that way. I had no clue what on earth she was handing me until just now when I read the directions and researched it. Here is a link on a variation of the recipe and the story... http://www.squidoo.com/amish-friendship-bread-starter . Here is my story and the directions I was given.

FRIENDSHIP BREAD DO NOT USE ANY TYPE OF METAL SPOON FOR MIXING. DO NOT REFRIGERATE. IF AIR GETS INTO THE BAG, LET IT OUT (THIS IS CALLED "BURPING" THE BAG) IT IS NORMAL FOR THE BATTER TO RISE, BUBBLE, AND FERMENT.

Day 1: Do Nothing. This is the day you receive the batter. Make sure the bag is dated.

Day 2 - Day 5: Mush the bag.

Day 6: Add to the bag: 1 Cup Flour, 1 Cup Sugar, 1 Cup Milk. Mush the bag.

Day 7 - Day 9: Mush the bag.

Day 10: Pour the contents of the bag into a non-metal bowl. Add 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 1/2 cups sugar, 1 1/2 cups milk. Mix together.

In 4 one-gallon sized ZIPLOC bags labeled "Day 1" (with date), measure out 1 cup of mix and put into each bag. Give them to 4 friends with the recipe.

To the remaining batter add:

3 Eggs, 1 Cup oil, 1/2 cup milk, 1 cup sugar, 1 1/2 tsp. salt, 2 cups flour, 1 large box instant vanilla pudding

Grease 2 loaf pans.

For topping, mix 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon in a bowl. Dust the greased pans with half the mixture.

Pour batter evenly into the two pans and spring top with remaining sugar mixture. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour. Check with toothpick to see if it is done. Cool until it loosens from pans. Store in refrigerator.

Should the recipe not be passed on the 10th day, be sure to date the bag for the recipient. They can use the date lines to keep track of the day they are on. If you keep a starter for yourself, you will be baking every 10 days the bread is very good and a good gift. Only the Amish know how to create a starter, so if you give them all away you will have to wait until someone gives a starter back. Enjoy!!

I plan to continue this bread and try to keep track through update on the blog.
And here is the bag I was handed. Dated for September 1, 2009 :

I Can't Believe I Have A Second Grader!

Kayla had her second grade open house this evening at 5:30pm. I left work early (thanks to be oh so wonderful supervisor Judy), ran home to change clothes, made arrangements with the sitter to keep Tristan - since I know he would be an absolute terror and embarass the heck out of Kayla in her school...- and then made my way to the school. I waited for Lydia (ex mother in law) to arrive with Kayla. I mingled outside of the school, saying hello to the on time passerby and was more than thrilled to see Lydia and Kayla pull up. I met them in the middle of the road (of course because there's nothing to start off your second graders open house like being hit by a car) and we went inside. Melanie (another parent) greeted us, handed us a couple papers on the schools budget and we made our way to the cafeteria/gym/auditorium to listen in on introductions. After that was said and done Kayla undoubtedly led the way to her class room (passing up the offer to take dance class because of heart disease) and then showed Lydia and I her locker. She said her lockermate was "Claire". We went into her classroom where Kayla scurried off to her desk. I said "Hello" to her teacher and we waited ever so patiently for everyone to arrive. The teacher ran over the basics of the class, explaining that second grade really wasn't a joke and absolutely nothing like first grade. Kayla's spelling, grammar, vocabulary work will be done and reviewed on a computer. She can access her spelling words, games and practice tests on a website http://www.spellingcity.com/ and I can stay in check with how she does. There is also another website the school mentioned which for the life of me I can not remember the name of, but will post it again as soon as I get the information, which was said to be around the first week of October. I'll detail it then as well. Kayla's teacher also mentioned a behavior chart she uses which I think is called a "tacker". (I'll double check this as well) On this is a magnet of each childs photo and at the top is a "10" Every kid at the beginning of the day starts out with a 10. As the day goes on, if a problem arises, the number drops. It really is a nice feature considering those who keep a 10 all week get to pick something from a prize box on Friday!

After we were shown the tacker, a friend and fellow parent of Kayla's classmate (and neighbor) handed me a bag of batter and a recipe for "Friendship Bread". I'm so excited to try this and she said it was really good! (Another post, another time in steps!)

Kayla then took Lydia and I to the computer lab where she showed us where she sat. The teacher in this class explained the children would be learning to type and use Microsoft Office programs (basically Word). I thought this was a bit strange considering my daughter is 7 but it's really never too early to start. Technology is taking over! (And I feel a bit behind considering I am in college now taking a Microsoft Office class and nearly failing!!!)

After computer was the library. Kayla walked us in, we stood there, her librarian said hello, Kayla explained that I was Mommy and Lydia was Mawmaw and then we left. Short and sweet!

No fear though, Kayla has music class too! Her teacher told us she was learning to read music notes and next month they will be doing this via a keyboard. Perfect really...we have a piano! (Player piano courtesy of my great aunt)

After open house and on the way out we stopped at the PTA table and bought Kayla a KCE (School) t-shirt for $10. It was grey and the one Kayla has already is white with stains. She is supposed to wear this shirt on Friday's to show school colors. Done!

Open house was over! *phew*

Here's a few pics from the evening....

Kayla with her teacher.
Being silly and creative (This was her idea for the angle)

My oh so perfect second grader!

Pressure Washing Art!

So, for some time I have been meaning to pressure wash my house everything considering I moved in about 6 years ago, and have yet to do this. My only problems has been kids, financial stability, laziness and the perpetual humdrum of doing general "outside" housework. In case you don't know me, I'm not a fan.

The other day Maurice informed me that he borrowed the pressure washer from my uncle. Great! - my initial thought. We can finally pressure wash the house, sidewalk, kids white vinyl fence that surrounds the small yard we have. So I took on this endeavor, well really I took OVER the endeavor because I watched Maurice clean the picket fence and it looked...cool.

So I decided to try the sidewalk. It's just a stone cement sidewalk that leads from the parking pad where our cars are, to the front door. It's gray/black... and always looked dirty. No, no, no.. it wasn't dirty - it was covered... plastered... in dirt. Let me just try to explain my amazement with this.... as soon as the pressure washer hit the sidewalk, the color of the sidewalk changed colors. Seriously, it did. I continued, only to realize the immense fun with actually writing on a dirty sidewalk with a pressure washer. It's awesome... I love it, and let Kayla do it last night too. She wrote her name!

This one says 'Love'. The dark part is what the sidewalk looked like before. GROSS!

This is my name of course..... taken with a camera phone from a friend.

Cute or Tacky?

Tristan is MORE than elated with his new haircut. He's quite sure to tell me to make it stand up before we leave the house.

I'm not used to it yet.

What do you think?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Isn't So Bad..

The OCD in me, jumps out!

Last night, pretty late into the evening, I had a craving for chocolate. Now, I am not typically someone who likes chocolate that often. As a kid, it was life and as an adult - not so much.

I've been told on numerous occasions that I had Obessive Compulsive tendencies. I brushed these ideations off, knowing very well that the way I went about certain things didn't compare to someone who actually has been diagnosed with OCD. (This is me being naive.) I mean, doesn't EVERYONE have their own way of going about things?! It's like personal space. In YOUR personal space everything is right and perfect in the world. As soon as someone invades, it's all messed up and in some instances feel the need to shove someone OUT of your personal space. My tendencies are just like that...

For example : M&M's.

Mars created a wonderful little less-than-bite-sized candy perfect for any chocolate lover. I have relatively nostalgic ties to this candy and have since deemed it my favorite.

As I sat here at my desk, bored out of my mind, contemplating the feeding of my chocolate craving I was talking to my boyfriend, Maurice. Once on the phone with him, it hit. I had to have chocolate!

My sister and I went *hunting* for chocolate in the kitchen and after passing Reese's (yuck!) and a mint 3Musketeers, we found a shoebox with mini packets of M&M's. JACKPOT!!!

Six packages were there and my sister and I split them.

So here I was, on the phone with Maurice and I decided to explain to him how I eat M&M's. The "process" involved with eating this delicious candy.

Now, here it is in ~blog~ form:

1. Empty all contents of the M&M packages.

2. Sort all M&M's by color. (Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Brown)

3. In the smallest color pile, count the amount of M&M's.

4. Pull out all of the "extra" M&M's from every color pile.

5. Seperate and arrange those into straight color piles.

6. Repeat Steps 3-5 until there is a "triangle or food pyramid style" with M&M's

7. Flip over ALL M&M's so the "m" is facing up and then straighten.

8. Proceed to eat from 1 M&M per color pule starting with the color piles at the top of the pyramid.

9. Enjoy.

10. Save one full color pile consisting of 1 Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Brown, Blue for someone else of your choosing. Share the love!

Ok, so as I see the steps I realize how neurotic I am. Maybe I do have OCD?!