Coming to Terms

In the next few minutes, in Mississippi, a man will stand in front of several high standing officers of the United States Navy. Dressed in whites, the most absolute definition of formality in this branch of the military, he will confess his story. The explanation as to why he felt like his life was falling apart. Also, how he wanted to fix it and then how everyone else wanted to fix it. The recovery (still ongoing) of his addictions, fueled by a negatively spun childhood and his promise and hope for a better tomorrow.

I don't speak of this man in such manner that it makes him seem like a stranger. No, he is my boyfriend. A wonderful, generous, loving man who I've known for well over 15 years. He was that first (it's time) crush I had when I was a little girl over the summer. He was *dreamy*.

We lost touch for a long period of time, went about our ways and lives, and continued to live. We had a few passings of eachother along the way. Dennys around 2000 where I had stumbled in drunk with friends, he was working. Nothing really more than a simple hello was uttered from either of our mouths, but it meant so much more than that. It was the defining moment that allowed both of us to remember, who we were. Together who we could become. Though, despite the range of motion, speech and who knows whatever else... we departed that night not knowing the *woulda, coulda, shoulda's* of our lives.

It wasn't until 7 years later when I had decided to research him on myspace.com I entered his name, not really sure if he would be there or if I had made an effort to contact him if he would remember me. I clicked "search" and my efforts were made victorius. There, right in front of me - was his name and a photo. It had to be him. Noone else has that name (which is by far the most unique I've seen). I requested to be his friend, adding a simply stated message along the lines of, "Hey, it's Nicole. Do you remember me?" He replied after a short while saying he DID in fact remember me. Wow. So this continued on for a period of time.... we statically filled one another with ups and downs over the years, continuing to grow as friends. I became excited to get messages letting me know how things are. He responded to surveys I posted as bulletins - just to prove stalker-ish status.

In June 2007 he came to visit me with his wife. I didn't know her, I'd never met her, but when I got to know her - she was incredible. Their relationship seemed solid. It was a nice visit and a chance for him and I to reconnect a bit. (10:15 fyi) After they left I didn't contact him much. He was heading out to sea for 6 months, and I called his wife a couple times to check on her. All seemed well. Though they were not. He returned home from cruse around
November/December 2007 to find her not there, along with a lot of *their* belongings. He was devastated and confused. We talked a lot over the phone during this time. I did what any friend should do - offer advice, be sympathetic, and tell the friend how it is - straight forward, no bs. We had interesting conversation for a long time. He came to visit for Christmas. He did not need to be alone, and I had more than enough wrapping to get done. I could use the help (aside from my at the time roommate).

Our timeline goes on for a considerable amount of time and I may continue it soon, with his help of paying attention to detail.

In any case - this man is my boyfriend who I find more courageous than anything honor the military could give him... and my optimism consistently stays on course.